Hi all,
Over the months which have passed since Nicci and I had our five minutes of fame in magazine land, many of you have said you missed the publication.
If you click on the link below, it will open a PDF document of the whole article. So you didn’t miss a thing!
Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time may think that I personally know trans people who have had gender correction surgery, to start really living in the body they should have had from birth. Sorry to disappoint you but this is just not true. In fact I haven’t personally known anyone; not that I have been aware of. Although I will admit I genuinely don’t give it any thought when I am in someone’s company.
That is until last Saturday. We went to dinner at the home of a dear friend of ours who was recovering from her operation. I have always admired her graceful uncomplaining journey of being trans. I don’t think I have ever met anyone who deserves more to have got what they set out for. Like many of us who may be determined to achieve a goal, there may be sacrifices, losses, and struggles along the way which challenge our faith and determination. But I have never seen her waiver; her strength and humility have been impressive.
I didn’t wish to pry and trusted she would only share as much as she wanted. I needn’t have been so reserved as I forgot what a boisterous bunch we can be. In the end she had very little choice but to be the butt of many a joke before the evening was out. My favourite moment was a Champaign toast; ‘To x’s fanny, and all who may sail in her.’
The thing that really struck me was an obvious glow of satisfaction she had about her; like the cat that had finally got the cream. Happiness, yes, but it was more contentment. Early this week we joked via texts that she was having hot flushes. I asked if the menopause was a buy one get one free offer with the op. She said she must have forgotten to tick the ‘opt out box’ for that on the consent form. Joking aside there was something about her, like a unique aura, but I cannot quite put my finger on what it was.
You know me by now; I am a believer, a fighter – but I wouldn’t go so far as activist, for trans issues. But seeing someone I like to think I have got to know in some depth over the years, almost transform, and I don’t mean by anything that was done on the operating table, has just convinced me more passionately about helping others to understand trans issues.
I have just learned about a fantastic community art project letting people share their memories of places special to them. People have a blank sticker like the above and stick it somewhere important to them and write a message to others, for example on a tree under which you had your first kiss.
This person obviously stuck it on a place where they came out to someone as trans. However I randomly found this on line, not knowing anything about the project, and found it very poignant.
I read this and started to consider the person behind it. How terrified must they have been before sharing this with another person, that when they did it made them feel something as humble as ‘human’? Does this mean that their fear was so great that they worried people would think them subhuman?
It gave me an idea for a twist on the project though; maybe trans people could use the sticker to place it at venues which they have found trans friendly.
Check out the link and start a new revolution…
http://thisiswheremovement.com/
I am conscious that I have missed the last few weeks of the blog. Life just seems ridiculously busy, which I know doesn’t make for great reading.
I am especially aware of it as many more of you seem to be coming to the blog and my stats are looking very healthy.
Well my counselling course seems to be taking over and I feel I am getting further and further away from the much needed work I need to do to get the book published. I will bounce back I promise, in fact I am planning to write my essay on something I can maybe sneak into the book, cheeky huh?! I ain’t just a pretty face. Lets just say psychologists are always obsessed with sex right, and we all know sex sells.
I actually have to give a talk on my subject at this weekends course. Watch this space maybe I will vlog part of my talk for you ; )
I can’t remember if I have told you before about a website called Ted. It is a collection of presentations/speeches by various people.
I watched one this week by a speaker call Brene Brown. She is a trained psychotherapist and researcher. She gave a talk on her research on vulnerability and shame.
I don’t think there was anything revolutionary in its content, nothing that if deep down we were honest with ourselves we don’t all already know, but it is extremely powerful. It will make you laugh and I defy it not to move you.
She says;
Vulnerability is essential to wholehearted living. Vulnerability is not weakness – it is about emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives and is our most accurate measurement of courage.
She enthuses we have to be honest and let our real selves be seen. This naturally struck a chord with me, when I think of all the incredibly brave trans people in the world who do just that. I am honoured enough that some of you read my humble blog and thank me for sharing. It is you we should thank, you who share, it is you who show real courage.
She says; Vulnerability is courage and that; there is nothing more vulnerable than to create and make something that has never existed before. Life is about daring greatly, it’s about being in the arena and shame is the gremlin that says you’re not good enough.
This is my journey. When finally printed, my book will be in the arena, my life will be published in a way it has never existed before, but I have huge gremlins who tell me this won’t happen because my story is not worthy enough, because I am not good enough at telling it.
She goes on; the critic in our lives 90% of the time is us, we are never good enough.
For women shame is organised as ‘do it all, do it all perfectly and never let them see you sweat.’ We have unobtainable competing expectations of who we are supposed to be. For men; they mustn’t be perceived as weak.
She ends with just two powerful words;
Dare greatly.
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html
Hi Folks,
I didn’t write my blog as usual on Thursday night because nothing was forthcoming. We are now at Sunday night and I am still blank. I seem to be suffering a momentary writers block.
I have just come back from another intense weekend on my Psychotherapy course. I am now off work for two weeks and it feels like a very much needed and deserved rest. I plan to write my essay for the course and prepare my presentation while I am on leave. I am wondering if my mind is blank for a reason – it is trying to tell me it needs a break. On that note I will sign off for now and hope ideas are flowing again by next Friday.
Love for now
Laura
As you know I have been studying a psychotherapy course recently. Well in a few months I have to give a presentation on Wilhelm Reich, who wrote, wait for it – The function of the orgasm.
It has made for some interesting reading; apparently all psychological conditions can be attributed to being sexually repressed. Its the cliche if someone is uptight or stressed and someone says “he/she just needs a good seeing to.” I am being flippant and over-generalising. I will of course be more serious and professional when it comes to presenting Reich’s theories.
There is even a diagram of being sexually repressed, yes a diagram! As I have been reading I learned that at the time of Reich writing, he found one source of some women being sexually repressed was that they were concerned about passing wind, defecating, or urinating during sex. This makes me think of the comedian Sarah Millican, who once during stand up talked about her and her boyfriend’s mishap during foreplay after an Indian meal out…don’t ask!
My other diagram favorite is; ‘diagram depicting the typical phases of the sexual act in which both male and female are orgastically potent’ – Mmm exciting – in other words the peak of orgasm.
But then within my research I did find something truly fascinating; a film of the brain of a woman experiencing an orgasm, whilst having a MRI for clinical research. Check this out…
