Agony Aunt

I am on a community website for trans people and sometimes I get approached by trans girls on the site, I presume because I am listed as a partner of someone trans.  Usually they want to chat about their wife/girlfriend etc for advice on being accepted for being trans in their relationship, to whatever degree.   I openly welcome being approached in this way and have advertised as much on my page on the site.

Time and time again it is a similar story; the partner can’t/won’t accept ‘it’ (their partner being trans), or they may place restrictions/rules about when, how, where etc their partner can ‘do it’, or that it has to stop completely. 

For the trans girl they are often made to feel guilty for struggling to find a way to be who they are and keep their relationship in tact.  But being trans is not a hobby, it is not a choice, ‘it’ won’t go away.

Trans girls should not be made to feel apologetic.  In other relationships you don’t get to pick and choose which bits you like and ditch the others.   

I realise that my acceptance is rare.  I understand that for a wife/girlfriend not accepting may have more to do with; in a way grieving for a loss, she may panic thinking her partner is going to suddenly want a sex change operation, she may feel betrayed that she has married someone who she thought she knew and has now found she doesn’t.
Some people are always going to find the idea of men dressing in women’s clothing, ‘disgusting,’ ‘freakish’ and all sorts of other horrible adjectives.  But can you imagine if the person closest to you, the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, thinks this about you.

A wife/girlfriend/SO (significant other) fundamentally deserves to understand what being trans is, to make informed; decisions, judgements, choices etc.  If she simply refuses to even address the issues and discuss them adult to adult, is the overall relationship a healthy one?  In a relationship both partners deserve to be heard and listened to, irrespective of transgender!

I have no problem with people having their beliefs so long as they are educated beliefs.  If they have been willing to listen to all the science and rhyme and reason, considered it and made an informed decision that they still feel it is wrong, I can respect that and agree to disagree and if necessary go our separate ways.

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1 Response to Agony Aunt

  1. Davina Legs says:

    II too am on a T-girl website and people who actually read my profile as me for advice on how to tell their wives or wives asking how my wife came to understand finally etc.. i hope im a good listener and advisor but like you and proncess i can only advise on my experiances…

    I was happy with my wifes reaction finally after crying and asking me if i was gay (believe me that didnt amuse me at all) and asking did i want to be a woman and if i was driven to crossdressing by her etc that she “allowed me” to crossdress with the assurance id do it alone and not leave any evidence – as it was such a shock revelation and something shed never guess i did in a million years i was hapy to go with the deal of dressing home alone leaving no evidence – but inevitably over time i wanted more and talking was the thing which accomplished her current acceptance and her being brave and spending time with me crossdressed which she felt wasnt as bad as shed thought and actually complimented me on how i looked … plus was jellous of my legs lol.

    I definately felt guilty for putting her through me being alpha male be all the man you can be husband to this man she’d known for 5 years all of a sudden dropping on her this crossdressing “thing” which she’d rather i didnt do – tolerated but now is ok with – i still feel guilty for putting her through this out of the normal 2hatever that is thing.

    Your acceptance is rare but i believe its becomeing more accepted not understood but accepted that some men need, want and enjoy exhibiting this feminine side if thats what it is and from time to time crossdress or spend time as a woman – spectrum of trans….
    My wifes fear now weve talked and dispelled the myths which she understood thnks to the media to be true is others will somehow find out i crossdress and feel the same things she felt on day one ‘disgusting,’ ‘freakish’ and all sorts of other horrible adjectives including pervert and gay.

    A wife/girlfriend/SO (significant other) fundamentally deserves to understand what being trans is, to make informed; decisions, judgements, choices etc – youre right and open and very honest conversation is the only way to achieve a parlay and beyond – what i dont get is SOs who give up and believe the hype and cannot deal with crossdressing and worst case leave / divorce their crossdressing SO. this is a sad concluson to something that to the crossdressed is probably his / her deepest secret that we feel need to be shared with the closest person to us..

    I know in my case its brought me and my wife much closer i mean to say we were close enough anyway and althought weve never really fallen out over anything this is the hardest thing we’ve had to ever go through but insignificant against the tragic circumstances we found ourselves in in losing a baby 12 weeks into a 2nd pregnancy … what i mean to point out it there are far worse things than finding out your other half is a crossdresser…. Those couples who find understanding in this will go on to have a fun and close trusting relationship but communitcation needs to be kept open and honest — please let me know if im babbling too much in responses to your fab blog angel xx

    D

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