I am on a community website for trans people and sometimes I get approached by trans girls on the site, I presume because I am listed as a partner of someone trans. Usually they want to chat about their wife/girlfriend etc for advice on being accepted for being trans in their relationship, to whatever degree. I openly welcome being approached in this way and have advertised as much on my page on the site.
Time and time again it is a similar story; the partner can’t/won’t accept ‘it’ (their partner being trans), or they may place restrictions/rules about when, how, where etc their partner can ‘do it’, or that it has to stop completely.
For the trans girl they are often made to feel guilty for struggling to find a way to be who they are and keep their relationship in tact. But being trans is not a hobby, it is not a choice, ‘it’ won’t go away.
Trans girls should not be made to feel apologetic. In other relationships you don’t get to pick and choose which bits you like and ditch the others.
I realise that my acceptance is rare. I understand that for a wife/girlfriend not accepting may have more to do with; in a way grieving for a loss, she may panic thinking her partner is going to suddenly want a sex change operation, she may feel betrayed that she has married someone who she thought she knew and has now found she doesn’t.
Some people are always going to find the idea of men dressing in women’s clothing, ‘disgusting,’ ‘freakish’ and all sorts of other horrible adjectives. But can you imagine if the person closest to you, the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, thinks this about you.
A wife/girlfriend/SO (significant other) fundamentally deserves to understand what being trans is, to make informed; decisions, judgements, choices etc. If she simply refuses to even address the issues and discuss them adult to adult, is the overall relationship a healthy one? In a relationship both partners deserve to be heard and listened to, irrespective of transgender!
I have no problem with people having their beliefs so long as they are educated beliefs. If they have been willing to listen to all the science and rhyme and reason, considered it and made an informed decision that they still feel it is wrong, I can respect that and agree to disagree and if necessary go our separate ways.