Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Princess and I had a small but cosy Christmas day with just us and my Mum.
We did the usual things; Christmas dinner, opened presents and watched Christmas TV, Strictly Come Dancing of course! Mum was the most comfortable I have seen her with Princess being dressed as a girl. However on a few occasions towards the beginning of the day she referred to Princess as ‘he’. In a quite moment in the kitchen I just very gently said to Mum, you have used ‘he’ a few times, its ‘she’. She was instantly profusely apologetic and worried she had upset Princess. I simply explained it was fine but I just needed to point it out to her.
Later in the evening we got to chatting on the sofa and Mum seemed comfortable, whereas she has been reluctant in the past, too embarrassed even, to talk to Princess about her being Trans. I showed her the dress I had bought Princess for her birthday at the beginning of December and she admired it with Princess telling her that it fitted well and gave good cleavage, without mum showing any discomfort. When Mum left I walked to the car with her, helping her carry her bags and she said; ‘I am glad I had that chat with Princess’.
At one time even the thought of ever telling Mum that my partner was transgender seemed absolutely impossible and completely unthinkable that she would be in the same room as my partner wearing a cute tartan skirt, polo neck jumper and thick black opaque tights with ballet pumps, as well dressed as any other woman – not the drag queen look I think my Mum feared. But not only is that now a possible reality by through this my Mum and I now have a stronger relationship together as Mother and Daughter than we have ever had which has been a wonderful and unexpected result of coming out. I have found in being open about transgender everything else you talk about a breeze.
I think that often we are crippled from making any brave moves in life by fear, to an extent it rules our lives. And yes taking leaps of faith is very difficult, because the route of the fear is the unknown, but in some ways I think by not taking risks you are not living. Hiding in the closet is not living and yes it is easy for me to say these brave words when I am living my life with my trans partner and we are very fortunate that our loved ones, friends included and especially are accepting and inclusive of my Princess and of me, without question, which is very humbling, but we had to start somewhere at the point when no one knew and we didn’t know how they would react.
We are about to enter a New Year and this is my last blog of 2010. It is a time when people think about making a fresh start, making resolutions, entering a New Year wanting to make changes. If you are considering how your life might be if you told others, either you are trans or a partner of someone trans, I wish you all the luck in the world and support if you need it, you can message me on this blog and I will gladly help in any way I can. Regardless of what your plans are for the New Year have a good one, thank you for reading this blog and I hope you continue to enjoy reading it in 2011.
You obviously have a very open and understanding relationship.
I am out to my partner although it is not as forward as I would like it to be.
She seems to accept the situation but there are things which cause her some discomfort like what will her family and friend think of her.
She also doen’t know about RLE and what that entails and it is very difficult to simply bring it into our conversations.
However your post gives me hope for the near future.
Thanks for your email, I was very touched. I would be happy to speak with your partner directly via email, just to get to know one another and then by phone if she likes. Sorry not familiar with the abbreviation RLE?
Hi. Thanks for your reply.
RLE = Real Life Experience.
We have just returned from a week seeing my partners family and friends. She specifically spent time with her Sister in whom she has confided about me.
I did write my partner a letter with information about my situation and what the likely events would be as I move forwards.
She showed this to her Sister but she, that is my Partner, hasn’t said anything about her discussions.
Unfortunately things here are quite fraught with very little communication.
When ever I talk to her about the next step we end up with an atmosphere.
I get so frustrated. I think it is a combination of how she reacts and how I feel.
Take yesterday, we went to see an old friend of hers. I was dressed in my female jeans and tee shirt. Not overtly fenale but enough to get a couple of second glances.
All the time she was trying to rope my into the conversation as my male self and this really wrangled with me. She has such a thick skin that she just brazens it out.
I don’t know where all this is going to end. She acts like nothing is happening which of course is getting to my head. Which is probably why she is doing it.
Its really a complete disaster!!!!!
Amazing that youve shared this experiance with family and friends and hwo accepting people can be but my wife and i have talked about my crossdressing and dont think our friends and family or even children would understand – so were in a shared closet for nwo maybe.
Who knows one day the acceptance may change and i can come out to a new trend fo men who can openly dress as a woman without the batter of an eye lid – not in my lifetime maybe.
Im just happy my wife is accepting of me occassionally finding this urge to become the lovely Davina 🙂
hi not sure where to start but my wife used to love me dressing up,but now not so keen.i do all on my own now like facial laser also back and under arms also legs.but find it very hard to be accepted i rather be call freak.also tried lots of salon for treatment but told on your a man. i really hate being called man.hope your both still well xx
hi wish my wife was more like you im finding it so difficult.and dont like being called man and not able to get female treatment
I am very far from perfect. Every human being is different, with different circumstances, lives, responsibilities, upbringings, beliefs. I don’t know what any of these are for you and your wife, but each of you have to somehow find a way through that meets the needs that each of you have. These may be different but maybe you need to discover what each of you want. There is help to be found, I guess it just depends on how ready you are to reach out for it.