Way back in September (2010), 24th to be exact, I wrote a blog called ‘what’s in a name?’ in it I laid out the rules of when to use ‘he’ and ‘she’ with someone who is trans. If you haven’t read it before you might want to go back and catch up.
Well last weekend Princess and I had a conversation about me using the pro nouns incorrectly. A few times recently after we have been out with friends or had friends over for dinner etc, at the end of the evening Princess has told me I used ‘he’ (she has been dressed as a girl.) So last weekend after an evening out I felt terrible when she had again heard me refer to her as ‘he’, at some point during the night.
He, she, him, her, tomato, tomato does it really matter? Princess said ‘don’t make a big thing of it’, but here’s the thing, it is important and we did need to talk about it. I reminded her of how amazing she thought it was at the beginning of our relationship that I; “just got it”; understood everything a trans woman needs her partner to understand, for me it is instinctive. That included her loving that I knew the importance to use the female pronoun when she is presenting in pubic as a woman and wasn’t afraid to correct others, politely and gently to the importance of it.
I don’t know why I referred to her as ‘he’ on those occasions, I wish I hadn’t, I felt awful and knew it was especially bad for it to be me of all people who made the mistake, when I know better. When Princess is a woman, well she’s a woman. I may have been thinking of a memory in which she was male, but it doesn’t matter, it was wrong. The point I made to Princess is that if I do it again she should point it out, in front of people, because when we are out together in public these are our opportunities to show others, lead by example and educate how trans people want to be treated.
With this week’s blog you will have noticed I have included pictures of us both, so you can see for yourself that Princess is gorgeous whether man or woman.