During a conversation the other day Princess jokingly said; ‘shall I give up being trans? Shave my head, get rid of all my hair? Let my body hair grow back?’ I was horrified at the thought. When I was trying to think about what to write on this week’s blog, this conversation came to mind. It dawned on me that the shock at the thought of Princess suddenly having a short male hair cut, male body hair and never wearing female clothing, was the equivalent of a wife being told that her husband, who has never shown any tendencies to be female, suggesting it.
Although my previous partner told me after some time into our relationship he was trans, he had always had long hair, was of a more sensitive nature and not a particularly masculine guy.
I met Princess knowing she was trans and saw her in dresses and make up from the very beginning of meeting her. I forced myself to think about how I would feel should she suddenly decide to shave her head and grow back male body hair. I found myself thinking, what I am sure are, all the same thoughts girlfriends and wives have when they are unexpectedly faced with their husband/partner telling them they are trans.
I would struggle, I know I would. I met Princess as trans, the same as many wives met their husbands as guys. I would miss her amazingly thick long wavy hair (that frankly most women would kill for). I very often kiss her head in affection, because her hair is so thick. I couldn’t imagine kissing a shaved head – how would I change the way I show her little acts of affection when this was taken away from me? Then I realised I have no right whatsoever to feel this way, it is her body. But I would grieve the loss. And how would I deal with body hair? I love her body and part of what I like is that she is hairless. How would I feel about having coarse hairs brushing my skin when we were close?
I don’t think I have ever come so very close before to understanding women who are faced with being plunged into changing their view of their partner and I think it is good for me to appreciate this alternative situation for others.