Last week I made my first attempt to draft a summary of what my book is about. It is still too long, but I thought I’d give you a sneek preview.
“It’s a relationship book about how, like many of us, I lost who I really was in my relationship; I was so focused on making my partner happy I sacrificed me.
I couldn’t ignore any loner that I would be better off on my own, than in a relationship in which I had lost my 20’s living as a shadow of myself. I walked away and found someone else who described what seemed like the perfect formula for a relationship and it was irresistible. Ours is a ‘love less ordinary’, because my partner is transgender.
This is my story of how I began to question my life, I woke up and realised I didn’t want to hide and be afraid of others expectations or assumptions of me. I am now more comfortable, complete, unapologetic and proud of who I am and who my partner is. It is a truly liberating way to live. It is living. I’m in an ‘out and proud’ transgender relationship to help me realise this and to find an improved depth to all my existing relationships.
The battle to be you is important and you deserve to win. All of us are more than what we wear and how we present to the world. Could you be a better person without pretending? We all have choice. The choices may be extreme, difficult, even seem impossible, but I encourage others to question their life, ask if they are really free and be brave in taking risks in their choices. I did and discovered more about myself and felt my confidence soar.
Ours is a very open, honest and healthy relationship. We do not censor our thoughts or each other. We don’t allow things which are bothering us to go left unsaid. We remind each other of who we are and not who others think we should be. If we can make it work in such unusual circumstances, anyone can have a successful relationship.
I love, embrace and celebrate my transgender partner for who she/he is, without condition. You have no right to place limits on another person. You cannot pick aspect of your partner’s personality to love, but love them as a whole, with all the different multifaceted parts of their personality. I enjoy and benefit from the freedom of being with someone who cannot be predicted by societies rules assigned to their gender, someone complex in the most enjoyable way imaginable.
I have met truly brave, admirable people; life’s real hero’s. The opportunities and opinions meeting the people I have met since being ‘out’ in a trans relationship, has rewarded me with, has made me a richer person, with richer experiences for being in a transgender relationship, but more importantly for being in a healthy well functioning relationship.
I believe that life with all its colour, it’s pain, it’s joy and variety is beautiful, but you have to work at it. Getting the relationship you want doesn’t fall in your lap. Love alone is not enough; the fairy tale ever after doesn’t just happen. You have to work hard and fight for what you want and for those you love. This applies to all relationships, including the one with your self.”