Don’t box me in (part 2)

A few weeks ago following an impromptu phone call and last minute arrangements, Princess and I found ourselves after work one evening having dinner together in Wagamama’s, Leicester Square.

Princess’s first choice was Ed’s dinner.  A fine choice, however we have been there lots of times and I suggested a change.  She wasn’t sure at first, and as I thought she seemed to be struggling to find something  on the menu, I felt guilty and asked if she wanted to go elsewhere.  She looked up and said relationships are sometimes about compromise and we are trying something new.

As we were then talking about relationships we said that we were in Soho; probably the most alternative sexual preference capital of the country, and yet we aren’t gay and don’t really have a category.  I asked Princess how she would categorise us if asked.  (We have of course been asked several times and I personally always struggle to come up with a definition.)  She thought for a moment and said; “we are a non practicing bisexual transgender couple.”  At the time I thought this was so good I immediately made of a note of it as ‘blog material/discussion’.

Low and behold, a week later I had a conversation with someone who asked me how I regarded my sexuality and I was armed with the above response, which she seemed to think was great.

However looking at the words; ‘non practicing bisexual transgender couple’ on the page as I type this, they don’t have any meaning for me; they don’t ring true, or resonate with how I identify myself and my relationship with Princess.  Plus it’s a bit of a mouthful…’pardon the pun’.

A good friend of mine once used a very interesting term and I couldn’t remember what it was, so a quick text and a few moments later I was in possession of the term; ‘Transbian’.  I am not a lesbian, but I am in love with someone who is transgender – so ‘Transbian’ does seem to fit more than any other explanation or term.

I realise I may sound hypocritical discussing giving our relationship a ‘category’ as I often talk of not ‘boxing’ people.  Besides sexuality can rarely be reduced to mere genital contact; it is a mixture of affection, emotion and the ‘person’ that you are in love with.  But unfortunately we live in a society with a language which is binary, and if I am forced to categorise myself I quite like ‘Transbian’.

Next time someone asks me my sexuality; which happens more often than you would think!, I’ll try it on for size, see how it fits and let you know the reaction.  Equally please feel free to let me know what you think…together we could create a whole new sexual preference category!!

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3 Responses to Don’t box me in (part 2)

  1. Nomeo says:

    I considder myself bisexual- I don’t think it matters who I am actually sleeping- gender does not define why I fancy someone. I dislike the trend for taking on labels like “pansexual”- it sounds pretentious to make up new terms.
    ‘Transbian’ is a nice term if you are only interested in transgender people. There isn’t another term that covers that. Personally I am in a relationship with a trans person- but that wasn’t what I was looking for, and if I wanted a new relationship I would be just as likely to be with a cis-gendered woman or man.
    We are all different- we lable ourselves to feel like we fit. People label us to make us fit. I am not sure I have ever fit anywhere.

  2. Rose-Marie says:

    I am really interested in your blog. I have to say that I have been trying for some time ‘not to be boxed in’. I refuse to have a label attached to me as regards my relationship to a transgendered person.
    I like the term ‘transperson’ or ‘transwife’ – I don’t like transbien. I believe that everyone is unique and has a very special unique place in their relationship. You can’t expect everyone to fit into a category. I have been married to my transgendered partner/husband who has now changed her name by deed poll to her female name and is living full time as a female. We are very happy with her decision and look forward to many more years together. Our families, friends and neighbours know and are very supportive. Long live ‘not being boxed in’.

  3. Rose-Marie says:

    Of course I meant Trans Partner, because that’s what I am, a partner of a Transgendered Person – hurray!

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