I’m not a feminist but…

I read some feminist theory recently about ‘relationship rhythms’ (model), which seemed to make sense to me.  I’d like to think that we would all agree that in a healthy relationship there should be give and take.

However I fear in many relationships there is one person who is more dominant.  What this feminist theory I read said was; that if the less dominant person starts to discover their ‘other side’ they may change.  The other person may very well struggle to deal with this.

The example given is of a wife who becomes less submissive and starts to want to experience her independence, go out on her own more, and the dominant husband may resist this.  Then I read the line ‘the woman may even feel that she has to choose between the relationship and her own growth.   I thought what if ‘the woman’ is a trans woman, who can no longer remain in the role of a man.  That woman may very well try and work things out with her partner but sadly and ultimately decide that she cannot sacrifice her true self any longer for the sake of the relationship.

I feel as though I am about to open myself to criticism here and certainly it may be controversial but; it made me think how many wife’s are the ‘dominant’ partner and try to control their husbands trans needs.  So many times I have read/heard of bartering, bargaining, and compromising for the trans woman to be ‘allowed’ to express ‘herself’ in a manner the wife can handle.

I know it may sound like it, but I am not judging these wife’s (insert, girlfriends, partners etc.)  I acknowledge their discomfort and that some couples want to save the relationship at all costs.

However you know me by now and I am always going to be routing for the trans woman.  I’m not saying I am exempt as a partner of someone trans.  If my princess were ever to want to transition (assuming for arguments sake I wasn’t comfortable with this – and I can’t say how I would feel) then I would recognise that she would need to do whatever was right for her, even if this meant devastatingly; ending our relationship.

Essentially I believe that, in line with what I read of the feminist rhythm model, the trans woman needs to be able to flow between times when she is in charge of her own development and experiment with being a woman, and other times when she needs someone by her side to be the strong – ‘dominant’ one to help and support her in her unsure, weaker moments.  But it takes one hell of a woman to stand by her man and help her be the woman she wants to become.