I have been having some discussions with a journalist regarding possible features articles in different publications. She felt there was definite mileage in placing feature articles in popular weekly women’s publications, and newspaper weekend magazines. She felt this could lead to radio interviews and even ‘This Morning’.
My only reason for doing any publicity is to promote the book and make book sales – naturally. Those of you who have been following my blog for some time will know that the reason I am even here, doing any of this is to education and encourage understanding, acceptance and integration. More book sales hopefully means helping moving things towards this.
What we learnt from the Marie Claire article was that no matter how well written and tastefully done, people’s curiosity will, forgivably, be drawn to photographs of Nicci. Ironically the ‘difference’ of such a feature promotes behavior which is incongruent with integration.
I naively assumed that as the author of the book I could do publicity on my own and didn’t need my partner to tag along, avoiding the sensationalist attention a feature with us both seems impossible to avoid. There is just one snag, in the glossy world of magazine’s I am not wanted on my own. They want ‘us’
Yes the book is of course about our relationship and you could argue, and the media would, that Nicci and I are a publicity package. My inspiration for writing the book however was sharing a story with the world of the perspective of a woman in a relationship with someone transgender. It is MY story. But it is so much more than this; about how the unusual grounding of the relationship has helped me grow, helped me become more confident and hope that this would inspire people to strengthen their relationships.
There is more than one way to skin a cat and regulars must know by now how tenacious I can be. So I had a conversation with a contact of mine and she was encouragingly positive. She agreed I should be bold with a different angle; convince the quality paper weekend magazines to be progressive – to put it crudely we need to move on from staring at the ‘bloke in a dress’ and forward thinking of looking at it from the perspective of ‘women who choose transgender partners’.
My contact suggested this could work if I approach the paper with a few stories from other women, which can be anonymous, as long as I am happy to be photographed and provide the pictures they would want for a glossy feature.
Some of you might have already seen where this is going…
…If any women would be interested in writing their experience, get in touch with me and I can let you know more details. Actually my task aside, it would be great to read your experiences.
Angelandprincess's Blog 
….people’s curiosity will, forgivably, be drawn to photographs of Nicci…
Funny you should say that because on the few occasions where trans people I know have been asked about magazine interviews that comes up quite a bit. Okay, not photos of Nicci, but hopefully you get the gist. 🙂 It seems that it’s not so much about the background, the life a person leaves and the relationship, but moreover “can we see your bloke in a frock?”
Privacy – perhaps like virginity? – is a one time gig. You can’t go back into the closet once you’re out and much as I’d like to kick at a few walls and say “there’s a lot of trans stuff going on that you don’t see and society is changing”, there are more folk under this roof than me and I feel I should respect their privacy as I’d like mine (on occasion).
I think that the angle you’re taking – that of anonymity – is a wise choice and I hope people take you up on it. Not all of us need to see snaps to get the message… although you may be preaching to the choir at this point 🙂 Oh a calmer note, have you tried TransPartners or some of the main TG forums (Roses, Angels, etc)?
Hi, I would be keen to tell you my story, although would prefer to do so by email, do you have an address?
Hi,
Thank you for the kind offer. My focus is on stories from sis gendered women who are in a relationship with a transgender partner.
Laura
Hi Laura, I am on here with my blog about myself and my journey with my transgender partner – http://walkinginmygirlfriendsshoes.wordpress.com/ which I am using to work through my stuff as she is wanting to transition and to also hopefully put a positive message out there too, to share my journey because although at times so far, (we are in the early stages), it has been challenging, it has also been rewarding. We’ve seen the best of human nature too which has been heartening (I feel another blog coming on about this, we have received such love and support from others!). You’re welcome to use some of my stuff and repost if it helps. I am reading your book at the moment and it is interesting how many of your thoughts about a whole relationship led me to say to my partner, ‘I could have written this myself’ as you echo so many of my own thoughts and feelings about relationships. It is nice to have that feeling when reading a book and good to read about the positive experiences of others, because there are so many positives to this! Thanks for sharing your journey.
Dear Emma,
Thank you so much for your fantastic email. Emails like this are exactly what I hoped to get out of writing the book and why I wrote it. I couldn’t find anything to read on the subject which I could say ‘I could have written this myself’ about. That’s why I wrote it, there wasn’t anything like it and I didn’t want others to also be disappointed at not finding anything that resonated with their experience of such a relationship. As humans we look for connection, we want to reach out and know there are others who understand us and this was just not available.
Thank you for buying and reading book. I have a favor to ask; I really need to get reviews on Amazon, would you be willing to commit the above by cutting and pasting it as a review?
If you haven’t finished it already I hope you enjoy the rest of the book.
Lots of love
Laura
Hi Laura, I will post a review for you on Amazon, I intended to do so almost as soon as I started reading it. Just before I found the link to your book on the transpartners forum, I had put out a request on another forum to chat to people who have had positive experiences. Then, along came the link to your book which was like light relief that I was on track with my thoughts too, it’s very encouraging to have my thoughts reflected! I felt, because this level of transition is new to us (my partner is now full time) that I wanted to chat to people who have positive experiences. I think we are very fortunate that we have. I have now finished your book (it’s the quickest I have read a book for a while!) and enjoyed it very much, thanks for writing it and sharing your experiences.
Aaaahh , now I feel churlish for asking Thank you so much for your wonderfully lovely words. I can’t tell you how much they mean. I think I said it before but these sorts of comments really are exactly why I wrote the book. As much as I loved it writing it was a challenge for me; trying to do it and working full time, but also there were times when it was a struggle because I am dyslexic, and some days I felt like giving in and just abandoning the project. So emails like yours are very powerful for me and remind me why in some darker moments I kept going with it, and am so glad that I did. I’m very glad you enjoyed reading it. I don’t know if you have heard of Emma Cantons book on the subject. It isn’t what I would immediately call positive, but it is certainly very powerful. I won’t tell you the end as I don’t want to spoil it, but it is worth a read. Particularly as her partner did transition, whereas my book doesn’t cover this. Lots of love and thanks Laura
Laura Newman Author of; A Love Less Ordinary angelandprincess.wordpress.com A pioneer for transgender relationships
> Date: Sun, 3 Mar 2013 01:11:29 +0000 > To: laura.a.newman@hotmail.co.uk >
Hi Laura, I had to smile at the word churlish, what a great word it is – I pondered that word a while! Anyway, I have posted an amazon review for you (copy below fyi) and I will post a link to your book on a forum that I am on too, I am so glad that you did work through the darker moments to get your book out there especially with being dyslexic, I imagine you must be very proud of your achievement. It is something that I am aiming towards myself as I have the writing bug right now and feel very passionate about this! I have just had a look at Emma Canton’s book and will be buying, it looks interesting, especially from the transition point of view too. Thanks for that recommendation, Best wishes, Emma
From the moment I picked up the very readable [[ASIN:0957132522 A Love Less Ordinary: Sharing Life, Laughter and Handbags with My Transgender Partner]] I was hooked; it flows well and is written in a style that I found spoke to me and easy to understand. At the back of the book there is a useful section that helps the reader to understand the terminology used in the transgender field. I valued this book because it reflected back to me my positive thoughts and feelings about being in a relationship and not getting lost in it, but remaining whole. As I read through the book I felt like I could have written it myself in that respect. I had been looking to chat online or read about the positive experiences of being in a relationship with someone who is transgender, as my partner is recently transitioning, when I came across a link to this book. In it, Laura compares her own very different relationship stories and focuses on the benefits of being with someone who are able to be true to themselves; how refreshing and honest. What I also got from the book was Laura’s keen desire to educate others about gender identity, which is catching, and although trans people may be a minority group now, they will hopefully in the near future be accepted so that what is seen as a different now, will become normalised. Perhaps it is only thought to be a rare condition because people are afraid to come out of the closet and talk about it and talk about it positively – Laura’s book I think could help to change that and certainly from the acceptance point of view with regards partners of trans people. Thank you Laura Newman for writing this book and sharing your story and your thoughts which have touched me; you are an Angel!
Thank you very, very much. Humbly Laura
Laura Newman Author of; A Love Less Ordinary angelandprincess.wordpress.com A pioneer for transgender relationships
> Date: Sun, 3 Mar 2013 20:07:32 +0000 > To: laura.a.newman@hotmail.co.uk >
You’re very welcome x
Hi,
Hope you are well. I am sorry to bother you but I am emailing as I am having some trouble getting sales figures from the book, and wondered if you could remember when you purchased it. I have sales figures for December last year, but not accurate figures for this year. Even if you could only remember if you bought it this year or in December that would be a help, but more specifically what month you purchased it and if it was on Kindle or paperback would be great to know.
Thank you very much and sorry to bother you with this.
Hope the sun is finally shining for your today and you can enjoy it. Lots of love.
Laura
Hi Laura, no worries, 18th February this year I ordered it through Amazon, it was a paperback copy. The sun is breaking through! Emma.