Thanks for your messages of support when my blog last week was a bit of a self pity wallow. – good to have one every now and then thought I think, as long as they don’t last too long.
I have a couple glimmers of opportunity in the pipeline, a possible few public events. Maybe that’s what I need to hold onto; that there is never going to be some big wow come along, but that the smaller opportunities are important. Maybe I need to be more satisfied with the smaller successes – Rome wasn’t built in a day, and a hundred other cliches.
But getting lovely emails and messages are what keep me going, and it only takes one individual to make me want to put a bit of effort in to do one small thing towards some publicity, and that is satisfying and I need to remember that and celebrate it.
Six months after publishing I still do not seem to have the full energy to do what I know I need to, to get some much needed coverage. Genuinely I can’t be bothered, which is a difficult and very uncomfortable thing to admit for me. It seems like such a mammoth task. I tell people ‘I have achieved what I wanted to and I am happy with it’. I am not sure if that is really true, or if it is just a line I am spinning as an easy route out. I know I am not a lazy person. It took years of plugging away to write the book and continuing determination to get it published.
Of course I would like to see some decent book sales. Of course I would like to see articles in print talking about my work and getting something moving for the transgender community. I feel I have possibly let myself be easily beaten. Because the truth is that I did do some knocking on doors at the beginning of the year. I have had some really good leads and journalists with promises of several good quality publications interested in a features article. But there has been a sticking point in discussions. They seem to lose interest when I say that Nicci is not part of the deal. This is about getting the ‘partners’ story out there. It is just so bloody short sighted. They want the glossy and, let’s be honest, sensational pictures. I know so many gorgeous women in transgender relationships; they can have their glossy photo’s – but we don’t have the sensational genitalia under our dresses that they want. I hate to allow myself to sound bitter, because it is not me. Have I let myself get disillusioned too soon, have I let myself run out of energy, am I making excuses?
I am sure I am thinking about it too much. It’s a nice dream to have that my book would have been picked up and become mainstream, to get a good message out about transgender relationships. My book will always be there, and I hope will always help people. But I have no energy and feel like just leaving any big success to fate. However this grates because I don’t believe that the things you want just land in your lap, you have to keep plugging away, and I am not doing this. I feel like a quitter and a fake? I don’t feel quite so ‘pioneering’ any more.
A good friend of mine has a theory however, that it is about the amount of energy you put out into the world. That includes thinking about, talking about, discussing what you want, which also has an influence on you getting what you want – not just the hard work you put in. I like this, and do feel I am getting more spiritual as I get older. It’s about a believing in you. Which I think is as good a note as any to end on.
The gaps between me writing to you seem to keep getting bigger and longer – must try harder.
I keep getting asked by friends and family ‘how’s the book going?’ Sales wise – appallingly. Achieving the dream – big tick of success. I have fulfilled the ambition of publishing a book. As you know, I said all along if it helped just one person it was worth all the hard work. Well help one person at least it has. Many more in fact. I continue to receive emails that make me cry with pride of how my humble book has touched someone’s life. It is so immensely powerful.
The thought has just occurred to me that I am simply ‘paying it forward’. When I read Helen Boyds book that is exactly what happened to me – her book was the spark that started me writing mine. So when I get emails saying ‘you have inspired me to…’ it’s all about making the world continue to spin.
We have been to a few transgender evenings out recently. Glitzy Girls in Bristol, and we checked out the new venue for the Way Out club – excellent by the way! These have reminded me what a warm and friendly bunch we are in the transgender scene. Especially Bristol – my god never met such warm and open people, I should get out of London more often.
Just thought I would dust off the cobwebs and write to you all, share the feel good factor I am feeling on this (finally!) bright and sunny summers day.
Have a great weekend all. xx
Haven’t written in a while, but I’m coming back with amazing news…
My book has been nominated for a Stonewall book award!! I am absolutely over the moon. I read an email from my publisher this morning saying Stonewall had been in touch. They explained ‘the Stonewall Book Awards are given to books of exceptional merit relating to the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender experience.’
My publisher asked if I knew it was coming. I had no idea, and that it what makes it all the more incredible that it has been picked up for consideration.
Its kept me smiling and warm and fuzzy inside all day. I am absurdly proud of myself.
Thank you so, so much all of you for your support – look where you’ve got me!
I have had quite a productive day and build a page for ‘A Love Less Ordinary’ on Facebook…
Would love you to take a look, ‘like’ it, ‘friend’ it, make a comment, recommend the book etc, etc – go wild.
Thanks and hugs
Its been a while. Nothing has really been happening or anything worth posting as a blog. Although we seem to have been having a very busy social calender in recent weekends, which is nice.
I am posting now as I have had a rather disappointing update on the sales of my book. I am also not altogether sure I believe they are correct either. I know that sounds big headed but it is purely from emails I have had from people telling me they have bought and read the book, with some comment.
Obviously if you haven’t bought it already it would be great if you could, to help lift sales, and recommends would be good too. But if you have bought the book I wonder if you could drop me a line if you purchased it from January – March and let me know if it was on Kindle or paperback.
Sorry I have nothing more exciting or juice gossip to share at the moment. Would love to hear from you all the same.
Lots of love for now
I thought I would give you a sneak preview of the fruits of my labour, following my ‘post it note mayhem’ post. That’s right I have submitted all my ideas and files to the printers and I now have a lovely gloss book advert. This will feature in this years Sparkle Guide in Manchester, but who knows where else?
Let me know what you think…
Lots of love