How to be a woman

I hope you were all lucky for Christmas, and Santa bought you nice gifts.  I was a very lucky girl indeed; Princess bought me a kindle.   With the voucher she gave me to start purchasing kindle books, I stumble upon ‘How to be a woman’ by Caitlin Moran, and I have been spending my Christmas hols fervently reading it.

It is absolutely hilarious.  I think it is a must read for all women, teenage girls (although it might have to come with a parental guidance warning) and transwomen.  The chapter on periods is – tears running down your face funny;  we women are all familiar with a nappy sized sanitary pad.    Chapter titles include such gems as – ‘I need a bra’.  This includes content on knickers and how inappropriately small the design of them has become.  I shall select a section for you to illustrate the humour;

‘A few months ago I was on a crowed tube with a friend…who gradually grew paler and quieter until she finally leaned forward, and admitted that her knickers were so skimpy, her front bottom had eaten them entirely;   “I’m currently wearing them on my clit – like a little hat”, she said.   Moran goes on to say that the; ‘average British woman could pack a week’s worth of pants into a match-box’.   On reading this, I think this begs the question why then, generally, do woman pack to go away on holiday as thought we are emigrating?

She naturally moves onto bra’s; ‘As one would expect from an item capable of …powerful magic, sometimes a bra is prone to suddenly turning evil and attempting to destroy you.’  She goes on; ‘for people who have never worn a bra…it is impossible to describe the sheer, raw pleasure that comes with taking off certain bras.  I once had a bra …beautiful, extremely expensive – so cruelly tight, I rang the shop I bought it from on day three, in tears.  “Is it supposed to hurt so much”? I asked, trying to repress a sob.  “You just have to break it in,” the woman said, sternly, like an army drill sargent instructing his new recruits to piss on their boots to soften the leather.

It is insightful, funny, disgusting – but real.  I amend what I said above; it should be read by everyone.  Whether you are about to become a woman, are a woman, or a man – to help you understand women.  It is a very entertaining read.